I have been thinking a lot during the past couple weeks, as the year came closer and closer to ending, about the past twelve months and what they’ve been like for me. If you know me in real life, or if you keep up with this blog, you know that I’ve written a lot this year about things I’ve done, things I’ve seen and thought, and ways I’ve changed. I held off on writing a sort of year-end post until now because I wanted some time to be calm and still and silent, and think about this past year and how if I’m honest with myself I recognize that this year was the most important and galvanizing year of my short life.
I don’t think people really become who they are supposed to be until they’re twenty-five/twenty-six/twenty-seven. Mid-twenties I guess. That’s not to say that the person you are in your mid-twenties is the same person you’ll be when you’re ninety, but I think that by the time you get to be my age you’ve generally figured out who you are, and the rest of your life is refining that person unless some huge life-changing event happens. I believe this because it’s how it happened with me.
I turned twenty-six this year. In three weeks I’ll turn twenty-seven, and I feel like I’m at the point where at my core I am who I should be. I feel like I’ve learned how to relate to and love people, I feel like I’ve learned what my beliefs are and whether that spark of the divine actually exists in me or not, and I feel like I have learned how to live decently in the world around me. I am calm, content, and generally peaceful (being peaceful is a very different thing from never having fun or letting loose, of course), and I feel like I understand what the people around me are like. This year, I think, was the year I fully settled into who I am. After all my life this year has caused me to finally feel like I’m comfortable in my own skin and I am who I am naturally. I am glad for this past year.
On a final note, three things were a huge deal to me this year: In January this country elected an African-American President I supported very strongly. I think that was a high point in America’s history. In the summer I drove across the country and back, alone in my car, and spent two months in Los Angeles sleeping in a shed in my sister’s back yard. I think that trip was the final solidifying event in me becoming the person I should be. Finally, as the year drew to a close, my grandmother died. Since I was in Tennessee when both my dad’s parents died three years ago, this was the first death I could see coming and spent close personal time with before it actually happened. It was the first death I had to come to terms with as it loomed larger and larger, and I think that was a part of my maturing process this past year.
Happy new year, everyone. Thanks for reading this blog.