Today was a sort of final review before my thesis defense, and it didn’t go so well. There are a few things involved, but long story short is that it was felt that my thesis isn’t where it needs to be, and isn’t going to be passed this semester. My options were to try to finish it over the summer or come back in the fall and start a new thesis. I’ve decided to finish during the summer, and I’m going to tell you why.
I don’t feel like I can stay at this school, and to a larger extent stay in Charlotte, any longer. The school is headed in a direction I don’t like, with faculty and curriculum decisions I absolutely don’t agree with (not that it matters if I agree with it or not, I’m just telling you why I don’t want to stick around). My friends that I’ve spent the past three years with will be gone, and if you know me you know how important the company of my friends is to me. I have friends in other classes who would still be around next year, but it wouldn’t be the same. I feel like I need to get out of this school as soon as I can.
I also need to get out of Charlotte. If I stay here then it makes the most sense financially for me to keep living at home, and I can’t be 27 years old, living at home and 45 minutes from the city and all the life there. I can’t keep coming home after school every day and hanging out with my parents, missing the interaction with my friends in Charlotte because I’m too far away to drive up there and back late after hanging out. I can’t keep debating whether to go home, where I can’t concentrate as well and I’m stuck with my parents all night, or stay at school, where the only class I have to look forward to and be excited about is my film-centric elective class and I get depressed just sitting at my desk after everyone has gone home. I can’t keep waiting around for hours till a party starts because I don’t want to drive all the way home and then all the way back up there.
This sounds worse than I mean it to. I love my friends at school, I love my parents, I’m always excited about my elective class, and I believe in the work I’m doing for my thesis. But there are some very deep-seated thoughts I have about my life here, and I can’t keep doing this for another year. So I’m going to finish my thesis in the summer, and then we’ll see. But I gotta get out of here somehow.